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Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
We have had two days of rest in the hotel. The boys have been able to play on the hotel’s internet and watch TV. I’ve had some quiet time and have gobbled up a couple of the books Barbie brought me. We decided today we would venture out into the city. Our cab driver had told us that Times Square was the place to go (shopping, movies and even an indoor roller coaster) and it was within walking distance of our hotel so we headed that way.
I must share that spiritually I am drained. I have come to learn the signs of my own spiritual drought and when I recognize those signs I know it is time to replenish for I have nothing left inside….I need a refilling of the Spirit.
The city was interesting and busy. As we walked, we suddenly passed a beggar. He legs were maimed and I didn’t have it in me to even look at him. We passed him and then Hatcher stopped. He didn’t have to say anything, because I knew too we had to give the man something. We dug into our pockets and pulled out a couple of remigetts (Malaysian currency). I also dug for a Malaysian tract. Hatcher walked back and gave the items to the man. “Mom, I think he was happy to get the tract.” Hatcher said. I was relieved we hadn’t passed him by. Soon we saw another and again gave.
As we walked the last block to Times Square, the number of people walking with us grew. I looked ahead and saw something in the street. My heart lurched and my soul started to cry out to the Lord, “God, please don’t let that be a person.” I kept repeating that in my head, but God was not answering my plea.
In my life I have seen many hurt and wounded people. I have hugged children laden with lice, kissed the hand of a man who was covered in scabs and held and prayed for a woman with leprosy. Yet, this sight before me now was one I could not handle. I don’t know that words can begin to give you a picture of how it felt in my heart. This was a man who was lying on the side of the street. His leg was displaced from his hip and stuck out to the side, he had a large open wound on his leg and many wounds in various stages of healing. He was very thin and barely clothed. His arms and legs were all wounded and frozen in certain positions. Most disturbing of all, he was lying face down. His mouth was pressed against the road. My insides were panicking….I wondered if he had fallen and no one had stopped to help him. I walked towards him to check on him. Inside I wanted to run in the opposite direction. He was conscious and then I saw the cup in his hand. He could not move his body but he could bang the cup against the road. Inside the cup were a variety of bills. I reached in my pocket and gave him everything that was in it, then walked away.
The boys followed close behind. We walked up a short set of stairs to the entryway of Times Square. I immediately saw large advertisements for beautiful clothes and name brand watches. The advertisements and the vast materialism that lay before me made me want to vomit and I wondered if I could walk through this building. I had to stop and lean against the wall. The boys gathered around me and I grabbed the first one I could and began to weep.
I wept for the man. I wept for this country. I wept for the people who walked by him. I wept for the family member who must take him there regularly in order to get financial help to care for him. Then I wept for me, that I couldn’t touch him, speak to him, pray for him or even look at him. I felt I had let the Lord down. I had allowed my own fear, hurt, pain, whatever it was to stop me from showing the love of God to him.
I will not be the same since this event. I will forever wonder if I was his chance for healing or salvation and I missed the opportunity. The image of this man will forever be etched on my mind. I cry now as I write this.
Later I prayed and asked God why I couldn’t reach out to this man. I don’t know the answer and don’t feel like God has given me one, but I do know that I was not “prayed up”. I know by the Word that in our weakness God is made strong (2 Corinthians 12:9)….I wonder if I had reached out in faith (in the weakened state I was in) if God would have moved with great strength. I’ve seen God do it before, yet I didn’t give Him a chance this time. I see in hindsight I was more focused on my needs than his, yet how much greater his needs were than mine.
I have prayed for this man and I have repented to the Lord for my weakness. I have prayed that God will send another who is stronger.
Please pray for him too…God knows his name.
New friends we met in Malaysia…please pray that God will speak to their hearts.
