Alone

Granada, Spain
This journey has been one of many new experiences. One new experience that I had not counted on is the experience of being alone. Of course the boys are with me all the time, but I am truly alone as the only adult. I must make all the decisions. I carry all the responsibility. I am the only one concerned about our safety or who considers our budget as we make purchases. It is up to me alone to think of all the things which need to be done each day. At night after the boys go to sleep, it is me with my thoughts of the day and doubts about tomorrow. There is no phone ringing and no one I can call. This past month I have had little access to internet so even the communication there has been delayed.

The reality is I am never alone.

“I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

God has been very clear to me about that. I have spent an enormous amount of time in prayer. Prior to beginning the mission trip, I thought I spent a lot of time in prayer when I prayed about 1 -2 hours per day.

The past three weeks, I’ve had nothing to read (I’ve read all the books I have and have not been able to find anything in English to buy.), no TV to watch, no one to talk to (when the boys are asleep or involved in something), and no work….so I sit with the Lord. I have shared to a new depth with Him and He has shared to a new depth with me. I have discussed every aspect of each day with Him. He has shown me new mysteries about Him and I understand more about His mercy and His ways (that just means I see more clearly how His ways are higher than ours and I have begun to understand how I will never really understand His plans…..they are too high for me).

He has taken me to a new understanding of how He speaks to me and I am amazed at how much more He speaks to me than I had realized before. I am beginning to see the importance of lifting others in prayer during the day when they come to mind and how often that is God showing me something about them that needs prayer. This is true for strangers I pass on the street. He will sometimes speak to me about how to pray for a person I pass. Many mornings I awake with a person on my mind and know God is calling me to pray for them. These are not necessarily people I am close to or those who I keep in contact with…they are people who are on God’s heart and He shares that with me. Regularly, I awake and lie in bed for an hour or more praying as He leads.

There are nights when I barely sleep, instead there is an ongoing conversation between the Lord and myself. Sometimes these conversations are started by me and other nights they are started by Him.

He is opening my eyes more about the gifts He has given to my children. They have begun walking in their spiritual gifts and He is showing me how to encourage and teach them in that walk.

He also has been showing me where I lack. These are not easy lessons and they are often difficult to accept. We have had many good old heart to heart discussions and I love His gentle way of teaching. And if I get frustrated and want to give up or get angry, He will show me His wonderful sense of humor and will often make me laugh.

I am learning to enjoy this time “alone”, it is a unique experience. An experience that I don’t think I could put a value on. One bonus I didn’t really expect to have on this trip.
“…and lo, I am with you always even unto the end of the age.” Matthew 28:20

The gift of a Coke

When is the last time a total stranger out of the blue offered to buy you a coke? When have you been visiting another city, realized you were a couple bucks short for a purchase and the store clerk said simply, “bring it next time”? Have you ever gone to a government building to find it closed only to have the cleaning lady let you in to see if you could get help?
These are all small blessings and we seem to be receiving them in abundance during this trip. Not only have we been blessed, but these small acts seem to touch my heart in a deeper way than they normally would.

For the person on the giving side, these small acts of kindness are not necessarily a sacrifice on their part. In fact, I would guess that within the hour the act has been forgotten by them. But for me, it goes deeper. I feel called to bless them and pray for them and ask God to repay their kindness ten or one hundred fold. In fact, I sometimes pray for them for days or weeks.

It seems as though God has put us on the heart of the giver so that He can then put the giver on our hearts. The children seem to notice it too. Regularly one will simply bring up a person in prayer that has blessed us from a week or two ago.

It makes me wonder if the reverse has been true in my life. There have been times when I have suddenly felt a need to do an act of kindness to a total stranger, for no apparent reason. Right now, I can’t recall one person or event, but I wonder if the receiver is touched in a way that I was not. Did God then put me on their heart to pray for?
It is more blessed to give than receive.
I am beginning to understand that God has a way of putting His hand on one of us so we think we are helping another….but truly He is helping the one He touches and the one who is touched by the one He touches..